The Quiet Option

There is an interesting habit we have.

We ask a question, and then we wait.

For about three seconds.

If nobody answers, we start looking around for someone who will.

Preferably someone confident. Someone quick. Someone who can turn a thought into a sentence before the rest of us have even decided what we think.

And just like that, the conversation moves on.

How efficient.

Except perhaps we have confused being quick to answer with having something worth saying.

Think about a meeting.

One person speaks immediately. Another interrupts to agree. A third adds something because silence has become slightly uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, someone else is still thinking.

Not necessarily because they are shy. Not because they lack confidence. And certainly not because they have nothing to contribute.

They may simply prefer a moment to consider their words.

But by the time they are ready, the subject has changed.

Later, we might describe that person as someone who doesn't contribute much.

Which is an interesting conclusion, considering we barely gave them the opportunity.

And sometimes the person really does have nothing to add.

That should be allowed too.

We have become rather attached to the idea that participation must be visible. That engagement must be audible. That confidence must arrive with a raised hand, steady eye contact and a well-rehearsed sentence.

It makes things wonderfully easy to measure.

Unfortunately, people are not quite so convenient.

Some people communicate through speech. Others through writing, gestures, movement, expressions, assistive technology or ways that require a little more patience from those around them.

Some prefer to observe.

Some want to participate but need time, support or a different way in.

And some would simply rather not speak.

None of these automatically tells us how much a person understands, cares or has to offer.

Perhaps the problem isn't that quiet people need to become louder.

Perhaps we need to become a little less impatient.

We could leave a pause without rushing to fill it.

We could ask for ideas before a meeting rather than expecting everyone to produce them on demand.

We could accept a written response as readily as a spoken one.

We could notice who hasn't had the opportunity to contribute, without turning their silence into a public performance.

And we could remember that participation is an invitation, not an obligation.

The quiet option shouldn't mean being overlooked.

Nor should it mean being celebrated only when someone finally says something extraordinary.

A person shouldn't have to surprise us with hidden brilliance to earn a place in the room.

They already have one.

Maybe the most useful change isn't teaching everyone to speak up.

Maybe it's learning not to mistake silence for absence.

- A Thought from Under the Pink Hat

AS visible. You matter. Full stop.